Step 1 – Start with information about your early years that nobody really cares about but that you have to put in there because otherwise the bio is thin and it’s completely obvious how unsuccessful you really are.
Step 2 – Create a mythos around how your ‘sound’ was formed.
Step 3 – Puff your chest out and list accomplishments no matter how insignificant they might be.
Step 4 – Totally ignore inexplicable gaps in the narrative of the bio.
Step 5 – Start name-dropping like you’re trying to get into the v.i.p. room at Tonic on a Friday night.
Step 5b (optional) – If you’ve gotten any press, sprinkle some of that in for additional legitimacy.
Step 6 – Mention the new guys.
Step 7 – Mention the new product you’re trying to shove down people’s ears. Make it sound badass.