We all know that Valentine’s Day isn’t a real holiday. It’s nothing more than a dastardly ploy concocted by advertising conglomerates to separate you from your hard earned money, all cleverly wrapped in pink and red heart shaped boxes of chocolate. However, there’s no reason we can’t use their fabricated, financial booby trap as a good excuse to acknowledge and show appreciation for those we love. Doing that doesn’t cost a dime! Now, the hard part. Outside of Emo, the Punk genre isn’t known to produce a ton of great odes to love. So how will you ever be able to convey your feelings using your preferred music format without racking your brain, trying to remember “that artist, that released that one random love song that one time, on that album about 10 years ago”? Don’t fret! We’ve compiled the most comprehensive list of punk rock love songs for you to woo the love of your life with. Because we’re a bunch of cynical, sarcastic assholes without a romantic bone in our bodies, we’ve decided to exclude the more traditional love songs, which means no Emo bands allowed (I’m certain that over half our readers just cheered, silently in their heads). We’ve included songs from almost every other genre for every type of relationship though. Who knows, perhaps you’ll use one of the songs on our list and end up finding the perfect someone. It’s highly doubtful, but possible. You’ll never know unless you check out our Ultimate Punk Rock Valentine’s Day Playlist, in no particular order below!
“Violins” by Lagwagon
“I awake with your replacement, a bottle in my grasp, in an unfamiliar place. Because you put me out, the butt of a sick joke into this ashtray life as you come and go cause I forgot to service you and we broke down”
Has the love of your life slipped away because of your inability to maintain healthy relationships? No worries, it’s happened to the best of us! If you’re finding it hard to live without them and realizing that you need them desperately in your life, let Caper and the boys do the heavy lifting for you with this punk rock classic! With dope ass lyrics like that, they’ll be sprinting back into your arms in no time.
“Let’s Get Hurt” by Fat Mike
“I wanna be pained by you by you and crack cocained by you. I wanna be brained and caned and drained, harshly profaned by you”
If your significant other enjoys a little BDSM, this sadistic little serenade might just be the perfect track to play to get them in the mood! Although, we’re betting if they’re into S&M, a song is probably not real high on their list of aphrodisiacs. Pro Tip: Make sure you choose a safe word before the festivities begin. May we suggest “Type I Contact Dermatitis“? Sorry, Fat Mike….
“Oh Celina!” by The Bastard Suns
“I was bruised and battered, confused and shattered, I had no strength left in reserve. I was but half a man until you took my hand. You’re still twice the woman I deserve”
Some of us really need a “counterweight”. Someone that can balance out the stupid shit you do. Sure, it’s great to have a partner in crime, who encourages you to do fun and irresponsible things you probably shouldn’t be doing, but as with anything, too much of a good thing tends to end poorly. Maybe it’s not best if both of you’re both constantly scrounging for a rig. For those of us that need an angel on their shoulder for their own good, this one’s for you.
“Right Behind” by True Rivals
“With the whole world against you, push your thoughts and fears aside. Don’t say the word ’cause I can read your mind. Lead the way and I’ll be right behind”
When a couple has been together for long enough, it’s not unusual for the two individuals to begin, slowly over time, thinking like a single unit, establishing an almost psychic connection between them. That’s why there’s no such thing as The Oldlywed Game (pretty sure that wouldn’t be right if there were though). Just don’t spend too much time rooting around in each other’s head like Professor X. There’s probably stuff in there you don’t want to know about. Trust.
“Hotdog in a Hallway” by NOFX
“She’s my filly, I’m her stud. Her bean is bigger than my pud. It’s like feeding a Tic-Tac to a whale. That’s why I love her. She’ll have another piece of pie. She’ll have another double Rueben Rye. She works hard at eating well, that’s why I love her”
Seems like an odd reason to love someone but hey, they say the things that make us different is what makes this world such a great place to live! They also say true love doesn’t have limits. We guess this ode to the obese proves that the adage applies to weight limits too! Even if you’re not looking for a little more cushion for your pushin’, this tune is perfect for reelin’ in that perfect 10. (Easy gang. This fanciful scoring system is based on a number of criteria including, but not limited to: personality, sense of humor, intelligence and ambition. We’re not single minded pigs who would allocate scores based on just looks!)
“This Might Be Satire” by Propagandhi
“She tells me that she loves me, now I’m gonna tell her that I love her. She tells me that she loves me, now I’m gonna try and fuck her”
Everyone knows that once the ‘L’ word starts getting bandied about, the next stop is between the sheets. That is what love is really about after all, right? Pro Tip: Only after you’ve chewed gum with them, walked them home from school and carried their books to class can you request anal. Not a day before. Hand holding is optional.
“Hello” by Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies
“‘Cause I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do. Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you? Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven’t got a clue. But let me start by saying I love you”
There was much debate about the prospects of including a cover song on our list, but some are just too perfect to exclude. This Lionel Richie cover is a prime example of one that just had to make this list. There are times that love can be a one way street (especially with you dirty crust punks), without one party even knowing that they have an admirer. One side longing, desperate to feel the unyielding embrace of the other every time they pass by one another, yet too shy and inhibited to speak to them from the heart. Almost as if they were a blind art student yearning for the attention of their unwitting, mustached instructor…
“Alive with the Glory of Love” by Say Anything
“Of the whole ghetto, the boot-stomped meadows but we ignore that. You’re lovely baby, this war is crazy. I won’t let you down, oh no, no. No, I won’t let them take you. Won’t let them take you, hell, no, no”
Yup, you’re right! Glad to see you were paying attention! We said no emo bands but you gotta admit, the visualizations that the songwriting inspires are so superb that it warrants the exception. Unbridled passion seeping out of every lyric of this ballad, telling the story of two folks who, despite the evident holocaust going on around them continue to ‘screw away the day’. “Dammit guys! For real, if you must hump like bunnies, try to keep it down! The Gestapo is searching the house.”
“Turn The Season” by Fucked Up
“He knows that death is part of life. He would have made that girl his wife. Now there’s only darkness, There is no dawn, now that she’s gone”
Even in death love can persevere. We’ve all lost a loved one and are familiar with the pain. But in that same vein that awful feeling serves as reinforcement of how much of an impact they made in life. The life that person lived is always alive inside of you with the memories you made together. Fun Fact: Necrophilia is legal in North Carolina, oral sex with the living however, not so much.
“Punk Rock Love” by The Casualties
“Into a scene, full of lies, met you there, you seemed alright. Gave you a love, gave you a heart, all you gave me, broken heart. Broken heart, I want it back. Broken heart, I got it back”
While they say “opposites attract”, there’s something to be said for someone who digs the same music as you. Someone who will venture into the pit with you, or help you perfectly set your liberty spikes. So remember, it’s alright to love someone that has different interests than you, just not different tastes in music! Pro Tip: While it may work for Jorge as a pick up line, “You seemed alright” probably doesn’t have a high success rate for landing a date in the real world.
“Skin and Bones” by Steady Hands
“So shake me to the bone. You can take my fucking heart and leave us both there alone. ‘Cause my bloods been getting thinner, all my limbs are feeling numb, because I need you more than I need these skin and bones”
Everyone knows the feeling. The deep, depressing pit of despair, when you’re separated from someone you truly love. As if life just isn’t worth living if you can’t be with them. The constant dread and misery, agonizing what went wrong. Was it something you said or did? Can they ever forgive me? What will become of me? Who cares?!? Just sit back and enjoy the dreamy Sean Huber looking all lumberjacky in this video! Chop that tree, Sean. Chop it harder. Ohhhh…yea….
“I Guess This Is What Brains Look Like” by The Anorexic Olsen Twin
“And that’s how it feels when you kill children. But when you love a girl, you just cannot stop til you’re holding her tight. So, I kept on fighting, praying that she’s still alive”
Not cool, Chris Burrows! You left your best buddy, Patrick all alone with a horde of zombies to go looking for some girl who’s already got a boyfriend? As if that’s not bad enough, you promised that you’d return for him but you dip as soon as you find your lady friend. That’s cold. Gang, if a zombie apocalypse breaks out, we understand the need to gather your loved ones, but for christ’s sake, remember your friends too. (ed. We’re sure we’ll get hate mail for including this particular song, please direct all complaints to DJT@Trumporg.com)
“Baby I’m an Anarchist” by Against Me!
“I’m a molotov cocktail. You’re Dom Perignon. Baby, what’s that confused look in your eyes? What I’m trying to say is that I burn down buildings while you sit on a shelf inside of them”
And here is an example of the aforementioned “opposites attract” scenario. Nothing wrong with it, plenty of folks believe this is the best way to maintain a vibrant relationship. But really? Having faith in politicians? That’s where we draw the line! Fun Fact: This song made it onto Staff Writer, AnarchoPunk’s wedding playlist. Wait…did anyone fact check this? Someone actually has enough patience to put up with that annoying asshole? Holy hell!
“Punk Rock Girl” by The Dead Milkmen
“We went to the Philly Pizza Company and ordered some hot tea. The waitress said ‘Well no, we only have it iced’. So, we jumped up on the table and shouted “ANARCHY”
As far as first dates go, I’d say they’re off to a good start! If you’re going on a first date this Valentine’s Day, just remember, everyone’s got a little crazy in them, laying just under the facade of normality they’re putting on to impress you. So, if things do get a little hairy, just remember that it’s a common trait. Don’t write them off immediately. Pro Tip: If she gets that angry about not having hot tea, always remember to the put the toilet seat down.
“International You Day” by No Use For A Name
“I should have told you from the start that i’m closer then you think when we’re apart. Nothing that I’ve tried is as simple as this line but without you my life is incomplete my days are absolutely gray”
Tony Sly always had a way of simplifying his lyrics to make them more relatable and approachable. You never get the feeling that he was trying to hide behind his songwriting. It was just pure honest truth. That same kind of honesty is the foundation of a good relationship. So ladies, when you say you don’t want anything for our Anniversary, don’t get mad when you don’t get anything. Honesty is key. Fun Idea: We should petition the American Sheep Industry to create an International Ewe Day and laugh quietly to ourselves every year.
“Beat Your Heart Out” by The Distillers
“I had to run the damage is done. I give it up, I give it up. There’s nothing left so take the rest. Yeah you’re draining me. I set it alight, it burns so bright. Stab it out, stab it out. Baby, you make my heart beat faster. Baby, you make my heart beat faster. I know.”
“Nope! I call bullshit! Brody Dalle says this isn’t a love song at the beginning of this track!” We hear you, critical reader, but give us a chance to explain. Have you ever loved someone even though they did something despicable to you? It puts you on this weird fence, between love and hate. Normally, there’s a clear delineation between those two polar opposite emotions, but in rare cases they can combine into a strange, confusing amalgam. Hating that you love someone! How romantic!
“Flea Market” by The Hempsteadys
“I asked Allison why she always looks so sad, she said I wouldn’t understand, so don’t even try. I told her last night I wrote a song for her until my fingers bled . She said “Let your fingers bleed I won’t lose no sleep”
Don’t take this the wrong way Allison, but you’re kind of a bitch. While it’s one of the saddest types, unrequited love is still love. Look, we’re not saying you shouldn’t give it the ole’ college try but at some point you need to move along otherwise, it’s just creepy. Bonus Points: This track also features a saxophone which, as we all know, is the sexiest instrument of all time.
“Muddy Knees” by Days N’ Daze
“Remember those days we lost track of miles, punk rock love and dysfunctional smiles? Livin’ in the clouds, screamin’ our lungs out. We laughed when no one listened ’cause we knew it’d all work out”
If you have that one special person that can see you and love you just for who you are, all the other shit seems moot. Even when no one else has faith in your relationship or lifestyle choices, all it takes is one person to believe in you and support your decisions no matter what. Find that person. It will do wonders for you in a multitude of ways. Side Note: Can someone please point out to HR that nary a joke was written about why their knees are muddy? Thanks.
“I Never Promised You A Rose Garden” by The Suicide Machines
“Well, if sweet talking you could make it come true, I would give you the world right now on a silver platter. But what would it matter? So smile for a while and let’s be jolly love shouldn’t be so melancholy. Come along and share the good times while we can”
Another cover song! Being poor helps build character by instilling a strong work ethic and shifting attention from the frivolous pursuit of money to the more important things like family and friends. That same logic can be applied to building the character of a relationship . If you really want to see who loves you, live poor for awhile. Those that are meant to be will stick with you through the struggle and most likely make it a little less painful. Pro Tip: If having money ever does become a requisite for maintaining an intimate relationship, buy stock in Eli Lilly and/or Pfizer.
“Hopeless Romantic” by Bouncing Souls
“Beer and wine does me fine but it doesn’t always do. When I get back up and dust off, I always come back to you. I’m my own man, with my own plan I can’t do the things you want me to. I’m kinda lazy and I kinda stink but I’ll clean myself up for you”
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with being romantic, being hopelessly anything can be caustic. Perhaps if you used some of that wasted energy towards personal hygiene, everyone around you wouldn’t have to suffer with your smell until you find someone worthy of bathing for. That’s pretty disrespectful, Greg.
“Alone” by Boss’ Daughter
“Fuck everyone else, just sing for you and you may learn it’s good to be alone. I’m starting to forget a life and learn something new, forget the constant reminders and learn someone new”
We didn’t want to leave you unlovable loners on the wayside, so we included a bitter “Fuck You” song for all of the single schmucks out there that can’t find a date! Seriously though, try to rectify the situation for next year. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize that you’re a pudgy, 30-something, recluse, living with your parents. If for some reason you do you find yourself in that dismal situation, let us know. You’d fit right in with the rest of our writer’s bullpen! Ayyy-Ohhh!