12 Common Sense Guidelines on How To Not Be An Asshole At Punk Shows

When you’re in the moment, a punk show can seem like the most densely populated place on the planet. When you’re that close to that many people, it’s unbelievably easy to piss each other off in an instant. We wanted to take some time to address some incredibly annoying behaviors commonly seen at shows. We consider it our responsibility, nay, our civic duty to ensure everybody has a good time enjoying the music that we mutually love. Consider this a public service announcement on how to not be an asshole at shows.

1. You were kicked in the shins, not assaulted in the first degree. Don’t get overly defensive or upset when someone in the pit slams into you or scuffs you up a bit, 99% of the time it was a complete accident. As a music fan you are hopefully well aware of the risks of standing close to the pit. Which leads me to:

2. White knights, get off your high horses. Sorry to insult your masculinity, but the females in attendance don’t need you to be their vigilant protectors. If you want to serve as a bit of a “buffer” to your girlfriend so she can enjoy the show, that’s fine by me, but don’t shout at any and every hooligan who so much as gets anywhere near.  Rachel Here: To all people at a show of whatever gender: if you can’t handle the pit, get away.  You’re at a punk show, not Death Cab For Cutie, expect the worst.  Now obviously, if someone is visibly in over their head and can’t seem to get out of the pit, you help them, but don’t yell at everyone else in the pit.  So moral of the story, be aware of where the pit is and help those in need, but let everyone else have their fun.

3. Body surfing is a basic human right. By that, I mean that there is nobody too large, sweaty, drunk, or disabled enough to deny them the awesome pleasure of riding the crowd. So help out!  If you don’t wanna help, you should really just not stand near the front.

4. Keep ’em afloat. When a surfer is headed toward you, it is your only responsibility in the world to help ensure their skull does not hit the ground. Yeah, this one can get annoying when wave after wave of sweaty dudes are being passed on top of you, but trust me, every person present is going to have a much worse time if that sweaty dude cracks open his head, bleeds everywhere, and has to be taken to the hospital. Don’t be an asshole, help out with this important part of show behavior.

5. Fill in the gaps! Any right you have to personal space is basically waived when you get into the crowd. Everybody wants to be close to the stage, so don’t be a jerk and hog it all. Move up, or let somebody else fill in front of you. It ain’t a punk show if you’re not packed in like sardines.  Rachel here: That being said,  don’t use this as an opportunity to grope people.  Doesn’t matter how someone’s dressed or how close you are to them, it’s your responsibility to not grope anyone.  And if someone gropes me without my permission, I usually just give ’em a pretty hard elbow, and you don’t want that.

6. Joints are for reggae and Grateful Dead shows. In fact, it’s kind of bad courtesy to smoke anything at all when you’re that close to that many people, especially indoor shows(as if any venues still allow smoking inside). The chances of someone in the immediate area having asthma or some other respiratory dysfunction are surprisingly high. I love nicotine as much as any smoker, but I’m willing to step somewhere else for the sake of being a decent person.  Plus, the chances of accidentally hitting someone with your cig/joint/blunt what have you are really high, and no one wants to get burned.

7. Never shout “FREEEE BIRDDDD!” Never. Not even if you’re at a whatever-they-are-still-calling-Lynyrd-Skynyrd-these-days show (okay, I guess there is one other exception). Seriously, some bands even have their own songs solely about how annoying this is.

8. The open space directly above your head also serves as a lost-and-found. Use it. Don’t let those keys, shoes, wallets, etc. be forever lost to the black hole that is the bottom of a mosh pit. As a glasses-sporting gentleman myself, I’ve avoided paying hundreds of extra dollars for new specs because strangers helped me out and made a quick dash for my pair before they got trampled.

9. Heckle the band at your own risk. If you want to be the person to provoke whoever’s on stage, don’t freak out when they bite back. These are punk bands, after all.

10. Try not to be TOO much of a jerk to the locals/openers. Yeah, sometimes this one is hard, too, when you have to wait to see your favorite band while some tone-deaf local kids open a show. But hey, they haven’t done anything to personally offend you so let them have their time onstage, and let the people who want to enjoy their set do just that.

11. Keep some leverage on your beverage. Nifty, right? Accidents happen, beer gets spilled, but do your best not to douse some 13-year old kid with your PBR.  Rachel here: On a related note, don’t be the drunkest girl at the party.  With this I mean don’t be so obviously drunk and slurring that you’re about to fall over or throw up.  No one wants to deal with that.  Or if you must be too drunk for life, how about not being right in the front?  You’re not gonna remember the show anyway.

12. Don’t be a “head-bobber.” You are not “too good” to mosh/skank/slam/sing along/move! If you are enjoying the music, show it! Are you REALLY going to have a better time standing in the back with your arms folded slightly moving your head? I doubt it.